How to live with your ex while you are separating?

So, you are separating from your ex-partner, but you haven’t been able to physically separate yet.  This can be one of the most difficult, stressful, and high conflict times in people’s lives!  It is also one of the most important times during your separation, as you are trying to live together while negotiating a separation agreement.  Your separation agreement will impact your life for many years to come, so it is important that you and your ex-partner both try your best to get a long, so that the agreement you reach is best for you, your children, and your ex-partner. Minimizing conflict between you and your ex will also make the process of negotiating a separation agreement faster, cheaper, and less stressful.

But how do you live with the person you are separating with, without getting upset, angry and into fights?  Here are some tips to living with your ex-partner as peacefully as possible, before you begin:

1.      Try to respect each other’s private space and not interfere in each other’s day-to-day life.

2.      Remember that you are both entitled to use any part of the house, apart from where you sleep.

3.      Respect each other’s privacy – there should be no inquiries about who the other person is spending their time with, whether they are dating, where they are, etc.  Because you are separating, you are both entitled to privacy on these issues.

4.      If you feel yourself getting angry, upset, or emotional, remove yourself from the situation. Go to your private space, go for a walk, spend the evening at someone else’s home, go for a drive, etc.

5.      Avoid discussing issues related to the separation (e.g., finances, sale of the home, etc.) – all of these issues should be discussed through the team – Carrie, Jonathan and/or your lawyers.

6.      Have as little communication as possible – do not constantly text, email, message or call each other.  Only communicate in an emergency.

7.      Create & respect boundaries – e.g., by saying to the other person in a respectful manner, I don’t want to talk about that right now – and respect boundaries that the other person has created.  If they have blocked your number, don’t then email or message them about the same subject using a different app.